I Hope This Doesn't Find You Review

Trigger Warning: Extreme hater vibes.

Plot Issues

I started reading this book ages ago but had to stop pretty quickly because the main premise made no sense to me. It’s essentially Lara Jean’s personal letters being sent out to every boy she’s had a crush on, but a lot less believable.

Sadie Wen is the ultimate people-pleaser. Her one outlet of frustration towards the slacker students who mooch off her, the teachers who give her low grades, and especially her arch-rival, Julius Gong, is writing frothing-at-the-mouth emails that she never actually sends. Her life is basically destroyed when, somehow, all fifty-seven email drafts, dating back NINE YEARS, get sent out all at once.

Here’s what I don’t get. Sadie is supposed to be smart. Like, really smart. She’s also the opposite of a risk taker—she’s a major goody-two-shoes. So why in the world would she let all those drafts, full of her nastiest thoughts, just sit in her email for years?? I simply don’t buy it. Not only that, but every single one has the recipient and subject lines filled in. On some of them, she even clicked “Reply All” before composing her rant. What is the point of that if the emails are meant to be for her eyes only? I don’t understand why she wouldn’t delete them after she cools down. It’s not like she goes back and reads them, a detail which might have helped explain why she holds onto them all. Also, as a perfectionist myself, having so many drafts piled up in my inbox would give me anxiety. I would delete them just for the sake of feeling organized.

Listen, I get that some suspension of disbelief is necessary. But I just couldn’t do it here. Literally anything else would have been more believable. Like an actual diary that she loses. Or a Google Doc where she copy-pastes all those drafts that someone hacks. I don’t know. I get the vision, I really do. It’s a cool concept… I just couldn’t get behind it.

The issues continue once the emails actually get sent out. First off, and this is mostly just a continuation of my last complaint, but the writing betrays a misunderstanding of how emails work. When Julius confronts Sadie, he says, “The earliest [email you sent me] dated back to nine years ago.” When you send an email, it’s not marked with when the email was first written or last edited, only the date and time that it’s sent. I guess maybe the implication is that he happens to remember the exact time the email was referring to? But I only thought of that just now, so if that was the idea, it’s not very clear.

Here’s what could have made this all a little more believable for me. If Sadie was meticulously organized with her email drafts, including the date she wrote them in the subject line, and leaving the recipient filled so she could remember who it was directed at. And if she read through the drafts every so often, to reignite her drive or remember who wronged her or something. I don’t know. That’s my idea.

Then, the way the emails are handled after half of them are sent to practically everyone in the school doesn’t make much sense either. Until Julius and Sadie get into a public fight, which is posted online and damages the school’s image, the school apparently wasn’t going to do anything about it. What I find interesting is that her friend, while trying to console her, says, “you didn’t do anything illegal.” But one of the emails describes IN DETAIL Sadie’s desire to MURDER Julius. I’m pretty sure that’s considered a death threat, which isn’t exactly legal.

Also, given a lot of the language Sadie used, and that so many of her emails were targeting one student, she could easily get in trouble for cyberbullying. I’d imagine that these emails were sent from a school account, not to mention sent to students while on school grounds, which is an even bigger no-no. Yet Sadie never gets called to the principal’s office alone, never gets pulled aside by a teacher (not even the one she addressed one such venomous email to), and no one even thinks to contact her mom. The principal’s reasoning is that the school doesn’t “like to interfere with personal disputes between [their] students.” But one-sided cyberbullying, complete with graphic descriptions of violence, seems to me like it extends beyond a “personal dispute.” And then, the principal’s idea of a solution is to force the two to spend MORE time together so they can resolve their differences. Not to be that person, but if the roles were reversed, I certainly hope the school wouldn’t force a female student to spend lots of one-on-one time with a male student who sent her over forty irate, obsessive emails describing his desire to strangle her.

I get that the author was trying to do the forced proximity trope. But the two are already school captains together, take most of the same classes, and are in the same clubs. The various tasks they were assigned could easily be chalked up to normal captain duties. I would have found it far more believable if the school was blissfully unaware of the emails and kept assigning Julius and Sadie to work together because they’re such model students—at least to explain why Sadie didn’t face more serious consequences for her behavior.

Other than all the issues with the emails, a lot of plot points were just very predictable. For instance, I knew it was Abigail who had sent them almost immediately. And there were a lot of clichés, which was fine—clichés can be fun—but I still want to acknowledge them. Then again, I just spent nine hundred words complaining about the book’s attempt at originality, so maybe I should keep quiet about clichés. 

I also want to take a moment to acknowledge how absolutely insane Sadie’s main trauma is. When she was seven years old, her parents got in a fight, which resulted in her dad leaving and never coming back. Sadie blames herself because she sided with her mom and told her dad to go away, which he did. I mean, damn. I would blame myself too. And every single problem Sadie has—every perfectionist, people-pleasing, high-achieving tendency—stems from this one event.

Look, I get it. You want to explain where all the pressure Sadie feels comes from, since her mom and brother aren’t the ones expecting her to be perfect. You want to provide a strong motivation for Sadie’s relentless drive to succeed. And it works, it really does. I totally get Sadie’s desire to work hard enough so she can support her mom and brother, so she can hold her family together and make sure her mom doesn’t feel pained by her dad’s absence.

But from everything we learn about Sadie’s dad and their family before he left, he wasn’t a bad person or a bad father. In fact, he was a great, loving father. He and Sadie’s mom had never even fought before that night. We eventually learn that the only reason they split up is because they never truly loved each other. They were only “polite,” as the mom puts it, until they couldn’t stomach the built-up resentment anymore. That’s all fine and good, but I find it absolutely insane that they NEVER SEE THE DAD AGAIN after that night. The kids have zero contact with him, no idea where he went or ended up. There is no lengthy divorce process, no fight over custody. The parents’ relationship problems somehow completely cancel out his ability to be a father to his kids in any way, shape, or form ever again.

I mean, come on. Of course Sadie blames herself. It feels like there MUST be something deeper going on for him to completely walk out on his kids’ lives after a single fight—which sounds like it was about twenty minutes long, thirty tops. He doesn’t even say goodbye; they don’t even see him come to collect his things. I guess the parents never ended up getting a legal divorce. He just straight up disappeared. I would honestly be concerned. How do we know he didn’t get in a car accident and die as he was angrily driving away? And if he was secretly a mediocre dad or a mediocre guy and that’s why he had no problem completely abandoning his children, the author shouldn’t have tried so hard to make him seem like an amazing dad who only left because he was unhappy with his marriage—even if the perspective is through Sadie’s eyes.

For these reasons, the whole backstory feels like just that—a simple backstory crafted to explain Sadie’s character and not much else. Rather than making Sadie a child of divorce with a complex family history, a single night defines her every fear, struggle, and flaw for the next ten years. If you wanted the dad to be such a non-factor in her life, you could have just killed him. A dead dad might be a bit cliché, but the story would have worked just as well, and I think it would have made more sense.

Character Issues

 Okay, let’s (finally) move on. The other big reason I stopped reading the first time was that Sadie’s character felt SO over the top she was unbelievable. Listen. I never want to judge or hate on a character for not being personally relatable to me. But as a people-pleasing, high-achieving perfectionist myself, I had a really hard time believing Sadie was a real person and not a caricature of the perfect student. Because Sadie is actually, literally perfect. And it makes sense; she was accepted to a top school and is set to graduate as valedictorian. I was never at that level, so I can’t say for sure there aren’t people who live their lives like that. I’m sure they exist. But I’m only two years out from high school, and in my opinion the heat wasn’t turned on high enough.

Despite the fact that Sadie probably gets four hours of sleep a night, there are few mentions of her sleepiness or exhaustion. In high school, I used to walk around almost every day struggling to keep my eyes open. Sadie doesn’t seem to have the same problem. Now, once you get used to running on minimal sleep, you won’t feel the fatigue as much, but there will be other issues that arise. When I’m sleep deprived, I forget and lose things more often. I make silly mistakes that I would never make otherwise. I’m sure athletic performance diminishes as well and you become more likely to get injured. Yet somehow, Sadie’s unforgiving routines just… work for her. She crushes every test and assignment, no matter how little sleep she’s running on. She doesn’t fall sick once the entire book, although her body must be debilitated by anxiety and overwork. Never once do we hear her contemplate skipping school because of how much work she needs to finish or how tired she is or how unprepared she feels for a big test. She barely even seems affected by burnout. No matter how much she TALKS about feeling overwhelmed, she only actually gets overwhelmed once or twice in ways largely unrelated to academics.

Maybe it’s unfair to draw from my own experience, but I do feel like the author didn’t fully consider the life of a competitive student and just how many commitments even the average high schooler has to balance. Despite how much Sadie is juggling, she manages to work out daily and help out at her mom’s bakery well into the evening. Because I prioritize academics so highly, personal fitness and family time are some of the first things to get pushed to the side. But Sadie rarely seems to have to make sacrifices in order to fit everything in. Something else I find interesting is how much time she spends studying. In high school, in order to keep up my grades and finish all the assignments I would actually be graded on, I never studied. As long as I paid attention in class and did the homework, I didn’t need to. It could have been interesting to hear Sadie evaluate which classes she should devote study time to and which she could get by with her intelligence alone. Or to see her let go of even one minor homework assignment—turning it in late, or skipping it altogether, or simply doing less than her best work—because she just didn’t have the time and knew she could afford the deduction. Despite the urge to pour one’s entire heart and soul into every single assignment, it is impossible to do so (trust me, I’ve tried).

Sadie is just too stacked, and it doesn’t add up. She’s a school captain, valedictorian, assumedly an officer for multiple school clubs, she helps out at her mom’s restaurant every day, she volunteers at the local library, and she’s apparently the MVP of “every sports team” she’s on. Let’s start with clubs.

In college, clubs are simple; at least, that’s been my experience. But in high school, they’re a HUGE commitment. Every club I was in met at least once a month, if not once a week. Each one also comes with its own events and volunteer requirements. If you don’t meet their crazy demands each month, you’ll be kicked to the curb. And being an officer is an even bigger commitment. You have to prepare material for the meetings, track the attendance and participation of each member, run the social media, and plan and organize every event. Yet besides one lunchtime meeting for the yearbook committee, we never see Sadie attend a club meeting before or after school, force a smile at a cultural event no one wants to be at, or stay up late perfecting an Instagram story reminding members to get their hours in.

Of course, there’s not going to be room to add all these nitty-gritty details in, especially when they don’t serve the story. But if you can’t squeeze a single reference into a three hundred and nine page book, how can you expect us to believe that Sadie actually squeezes all these commitments into her life?

Now let’s talk about “every sports team” Miss Girl somehow manages to be the star of. I don’t know much about sports, but I do know that being a student athlete is grueling. Based on what I’ve observed of my sister and friends, practices start right after school and go pretty late into the evening. Practice happens almost every day, with games on the weekends. Again, pulling from my limited knowledge, sports occur in seasons, so Sadie would realistically be on two teams max, so she could play one while in the off-season of another. Which means she would, at nearly any given point during the school year, be in season for one of her sports. Yet not once in the book does she go to a practice or play in a game or tournament or whatever.

This is what I mean about Sadie’s perfection feeling like an empty caricature. We don’t even know what sports she plays, besides a mention of track and field at the very beginning. Not once does she refer to a fellow student as one of her teammates or reminisce on a memorable race. Why say she’s a student athlete if you’re not going to commit to representing that lifestyle? Why does she have to be the MVP of MULTIPLE sports teams at a competitive school if she’s not even remotely interested in pursuing sports in college?

I will say I grew to like Sadie a little more about halfway through. I’m not sure if the story as a whole found its footing, or if the character actually gained some more depth and realism, or if I just got used to and accepted her more aggressive personality traits. Although some moments were still painfully cringey, like Sadie’s attempt at a scary story:

“‘Once there was a girl called… um, Skye. She was very smart and very organized. She had a habit of keeping all her homework notes and certificates and important files in a special compartment in her locker. Then one day… she discovered that her locker was empty.’ This is meant to elicit gasps of shock and horror, but all I get are blank, perplexed stares.”

Now that I’ve thoroughly destroyed the main character, let’s move on to literally everyone else. We are told that Woodvale is “one of the top academic institutions in the state. Selective. Prestigious.” But I’m having a hard time understanding what makes it that way, as every single named character other than Sadie and Julius is either a vapid idiot, straight up lazy, or just doesn’t care much about school. We’re told that the school is very competitive, yet the only competition we hear about is between Sadie and Julius. No one else even comes close.

It’s implied that a lot of these other characters come from wealthy families, so perhaps the idea is that these students paid their way into the school while Sadie and Julius actually earned their place. If Sadie and Julius were attending on a scholarship, it could have been an interesting detail that increased the pressure they felt and heightened both the kinship and competition between them. But we don’t learn anything about the admissions process; frankly, we’re not given any evidence that the school is anything special.

We have Rosie, the gorgeous influencer who survives off Sadie’s notes for every class. There’s Ray and Georgina, who can’t complete the simplest part of a group project after Sadie practically did the work for them, and who she later says would be “overjoyed” to receive an 86% on an assignment because their standards are that low. Then there’s Abigail, Sadie’s best friend, who has no clear idea what she wants to do in life and once put more effort into a five-page thesis about why she should be allowed to wear combat boots than she’d ever put into an actual assignment.

At the Athletics Carnival, Sadie says there’s “an incredible amount of pressure to perform,” yet she struggles to get students to sign up for the races because even the athletes would rather sit in the shade than show off. Either Sadie or Julius win every single race, even as they burn more energy participating in race after race back to back. You have to wonder if anyone else is even trying. So, I’m really struggling to understand what makes this school prestigious. Everyone but Sadie and Julius sounds like a directionless straight-C student with mediocre athletic skills, at best. I’m thinking about Sadie being the MVP of her “every” sports team again. Seriously? Not a single student with twice the amount of time as her, who perhaps hopes to be scouted for college, can manage to outperform her?

I just don’t think anything is gained by making everyone look SO pathetic compared to Sadie and Julius. I went to a public high school, nothing fancy, but there were plenty of smart kids and the competition was fierce. I find it hard to believe Woodvale is as rigorous as we’re told it is, yet the only enemy Sadie has made is Julius. At a school like that with Sadie’s record, she should have dozens of enemies. I personally think a secret hater with carefully concealed resentment would have been a more compelling sender of the emails than Abigail. It also might have been interesting to see a moment where Sadie and Julius are so focused on each other they forget their peers make viable competition as well, and they have to share the sting of defeat together.

I also feel like it diminishes Sadie’s and Julius’s accomplishments to make their competition so weak. Like Sadie says, “By insulting my competition, you’re insulting me.” What’s so impressive about Sadie’s laundry list of achievements if no one else even put up a fight? Part of Sadie’s and Julius’s attraction to each other stems from their shared ambition and the way each of them stands out from the crowd. Julius tells her, “You’re the only person worth paying attention to.” It’s meant to be a swoon-worthy confession, but I mean, no duh. Who else is he going to pay attention to? Georgina and her suspiciously convenient injuries? I think both Sadie and Julius would feel more impressive, and their relationship more valuable, if the rest of their school was elevated at least a bit from NPC status.

Almost done, but I do want to complain about two more characters who, like Sadie, I think were pushed a bit too far into their archetypes. First we have Julius’s older brother, James Luo. This man is smart. He graduated as valedictorian at the age of sixteen, received a full scholarship to study law at Harvard, is a massive debate champion, and, on the side, writes widely acclaimed novels that have earned him millions of dollars. When Sadie and Julius interview him for the school’s yearbook, he is, as one might expect, quite arrogant and unbelievably pretentious.

This is fine. Of course someone that accomplished would have a high opinion of themself. But the way he talks is a step beyond pretentious and sounds plain unintelligent. Could he not have been written as self-centered and obnoxious without sounding like an everyday idiot who's taken one poetry class and thinks he’s God’s gift to the earth?

“For me, you see, the words are like sparrows. I could spend the whole day chasing them, but they’d only startle and fly away from me. It’s more important to stay still, and let the sparrows come on their own. Now, obviously, there are days when you do have to coax the sparrows down with a bit of birdseed. Certain types of birdseed work better than others. And sometimes you think you need the premium brand, but it’s in fact the organic brands, or not even a particular brand at all—only the berries you pluck in the wild—that are the most effective.”

I don’t know. Based on the description of his books, not to mention his debate record, this is a man who genuinely has a way with words. I personally don’t believe he’d engage in such ramblings, spinning analogies that anyone with critical thinking could tell make zero sense.

Then there’s Abigail, Sadie’s best friend, who’s pretty transparently written to be the exact opposite of Sadie. Whereas Sadie is a polished model student who always follows the rules, Abigail dresses as bold as possible, practically mocking the dress code. Sadie is ridiculously early to everything, while Abigail barges into class ten minutes late. Sadie cares so much what other people think of her; Abigail doesn’t care one bit what other people think of her. While Sadie works her ass off to support her mom and brother, Abigail’s two happy parents are sickeningly positive and will buy her whatever she wants whenever she asks. Sadie has known exactly what sensible career she wants to pursue since she was eight years old; Abigail waffles between options like “ballerina” and “party planner.” Sadie is socially awkward, Abigail is a social charmer.

Usually friends, especially best friends, have something in common—some ambitions or interests or personality traits—but there’s also nothing wrong with an odd couple that pushes each other out of their comfort zones. Except Abigail serves little more purpose than as a plot device, sending out all the emails and popping in to convince Sadie to throw an uncharacteristic party, then popping back out so the following events will unfold more juicily.

Also, this is just my opinion (no shit), but I can’t believe Abigail had absolutely zero suspicions about Sadie’s feelings for Julius or vice versa. I think we all caught the erotic undertones of some of those emails, as well as the undeniably obsessive nature of the collection as a whole. And at least a few other people easily spotted Julius’s feelings for Sadie. She definitely should have said SOMETHING after Sadie and Julius’s Truth or Dare kiss (even though it’s implied she didn’t hear about it, which I don’t buy for a second). Abigail doesn’t just pride herself on being intuitive; she has a genuine track record for good gut instincts, especially when it comes to relationships. So I can’t believe she was so blindsided by Sadie’s crush—I feel like she should have realized it long before Sadie herself.

Anyway, I just wish Abigail had gotten a little more development of her own. After her confession about only feeling useful when she’s able to help people, I thought it would segue into a realization that she would like to be a therapist—that she is “smart-smart,” just maybe with a different kind of intelligence. But instead, it just kind of ends with like… ‘I guess the one thing I thought I was good at, I wasn’t really that good at after all.’

Writing Issues

One of the tiniest things I noticed was consistency issues here and there. Nothing plot hole-level, but because I’m ripping this book to shreds, why wouldn’t I address them? Let’s look at a couple examples.

Page 232

Sadie eavesdrops on Julius’s argument with his brother. His brother is in the car, Julius is on the sidewalk. Sadie sneaks up and hides behind an oak tree. Her body is “pressed to the bark” as she listens in the “dim light.” At the beginning of the scene, she says of Julius, “His back is turned to me; I can’t see his expression, but the frost in his voice is clear.” Then, two pages later, she says, “All I can see is the open hurt in Julius’s eyes, the shame washing over his face, the way he hangs his head.” Hold up. How did you get such a perfect view of his face all of a sudden? I thought you were hiding behind a big tree with his back to you.

Page 290

Julius surprises Sadie and pins her against a wall as she struggles. “A cold hand wraps around my wrist… I’m still thrashing, swinging my fists around. Then the long fingers around my wrist tighten. He grabs my other wrist. Locks both of them together with one hand, pins them to the wall behind me, high above my head.” Yes, yes, very romantic. But all I could think was, what happened to our MVP Sadie? How is Julius able to hold her ENTIRE flailing body still with just one hand? I thought she was a ruthless athlete, practically invincible.

Then there are even more minor details. Like at the beginning of the book, Sadie says she started her day with a workout, but for the rest of the book her workout routine always occurs in the evening. Not that Sadie isn’t the type to overdo it, but don’t most people usually pick just one time of day to work out and stick to it? Okay, okay, I’m being annoyingly nitpicky. Let’s keep going.

I found a lot of the attempts at humor and teenage-speak quite cringey. Let’s start off strong with maybe the worst one:

“Someone else asks one of the theatre kids what her biggest fear is, and she responds with ‘The realization that life is little more than the slow leak of time until we meet our inevitable demise,’ which sends everyone into an uncomfortable silence for a while.”

Holy emo, dude. The only reason I can imagine such a declaration provoking a long, uncomfortable silence is everyone in the room passing STRONG judgement against the declarer and trying not to laugh. That statement would not make any high schooler philosophical. As a theatre kid myself, do people really think we talk like that?

Then there’s the moment towards the beginning of the book where Abigail stands up and pokes fun at a lecturer.

“‘What do we do if we’re really feeling ourselves? I’m talking about, like, really feeling ourselves. Have you never drawn the perfect cat wing and felt the utmost need to share it online, for it to be saved in perpetuity, to become your lasting legacy? Don’t you think it’s a crime not to show the world the new black dress I bought and how good it makes my figure look?’ She finishes her little speech by falling back in her seat and grinning at me.”

Sorry, but that wasn’t the funny, iconic cool girl moment you thought it was. If this had ever happened at my high school, I’m convinced it would be followed by a painfully awkward silence. The only laughter it would provoke would be students laughing at poor Abigail.

Finally, there’s the stunning social media model who hits on Julius.

“‘I always heard the boys were hotter at Woodvale,’ she says, brushing her bangs out of her face. ‘And here I thought they were exaggerating.’ [...] ‘I’m not sure if you recognize me?’ the girl continues. ‘A lot of people follow me online. Not saying I’m famous, but I’m not, like, not famous either.’ ‘This is my first time seeing you anywhere,’ Julius says. She doesn’t seem fazed. ‘Well, it’s never too late. If you want to search my name…’ Then she holds out a hand for his phone. [...] ‘Okay, so this is my account,’ she’s explaining, as though he’s never used a phone before. ‘I’ve followed myself for you. These recent pictures on the beach are so embarrassing—I mean, I know the comments all say I look super cute, but I have mixed feelings about the bikini—’”

The dialogue this poor girl is given makes me want to barf. Again, WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?? She starts off so smooth, and then she immediately turns oblivious and vain. A total caricature of a shallow influencer. Listen, I’m not about the model/influencer lifestyle. I’m sure many people like that are vain. But they’re also people, and from my experience, they don’t typically start off conversations by showing off their following, implying that they’re famous, and performatively sharing their insecurities about their own posts. Those people can just let their beauty and popularity speak for itself. And from my perspective, girls like that may not be as smart and academically driven as Sadie, but they do know how to flirt. I doubt most gorgeous influencers’ go-to pick-up line is “I have mixed feelings about the bikini.”

This is also a time where it feels like a not-like-other-girls sentiment is simmering below the surface. Throughout the book, Sadie doesn’t seem to notice her own appearance at all. Other people tell her she’s good-looking, like Abigail, so we can only assume she is. Yet she never mentions putting on makeup or spending time picking out an outfit, never expresses either confidence or insecurity in her looks. I think SOME awareness of your body and perceived attractiveness is standard for most women, whether we like it or not. But hey, that’s not what the book is about; I get it. Except Sadie does notice other girls’ looks, and all those girls are coincidentally not very smart. There’s the gorgeous influencer we just saw above, who Julius would of course never be interested in because she’s so self-absorbed. There’s Rosie and her influencer friends, who spend class giggling at their phones and mooch off Sadie’s notes. Abigail, with her passion for style, of course also falls into the “not good at school” category. Then again, maybe that’s not a fair conclusion to draw, since as I already discussed, literally every side character in this book isn’t very bright.

I also felt like telling instead of showing was an issue. We already saw it with Woodvale, where we’re told it’s a prestigious school yet all the evidence seems to indicate it’s full of public school-level slackers. I first felt it with Sadie’s traumatic backstory. The way it’s introduced isn’t exactly subtle.

“Don’t be mad, I want to say, as pathetic as it sounds. I don’t know what’s going on, but please just don’t be mad. Because it might be Rosie standing here now, but in my head it’s someone else. Footsteps storming out the living room and the slam of the door, like a thunderclap, the rumble of the engine, then the horrible, crushing quiet. That’s what happens when people get angry.”

If the description had stopped here, it would have been great. But it continues: “They leave, permanently, and they forget you, and there’s no going back.”

Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I did feel like I was being hit over the head with this a little bit. It’s only page 37. Also, why would Sadie be worried about Rosie specifically “leaving” and “forgetting” her? I’d understand if it was her friend who was mad at her, but would she really be scared of being forgotten by the girl who inconveniences her by borrowing her notes? Given the circumstances, I think the last thing Rosie is about to do is forget about her.

A similar situation with: “I hate that I even need to be comforted; I’m always the one who comforts other people. I hate needing anything from anyone.”

The last line is just so unnecessary. The same idea is communicated in the first sentence, but… less painfully obvious. There are more than a few lines I think go on a little longer than necessary. Like this one:

“The space between us feels like nothing, like twenty miles, like ghost flames.”

What does that mean? What are ghost flames, and what is the metaphor there? Even after looking it up, I’m not sure.

I do want to be somewhat positive and say I actually liked several elements of the romance. A lot of romantic moments were cute and well done, and even the clichés were executed nicely. The thin line between love and loathing is well written, and I appreciate that Julius only had eyes for Sadie no matter how oblivious she was. I really liked the Truth or Dare kiss and the water scene at the beginning. I also loved Julius helping Sadie at the Athletic Carnival and winning a gold medal for her. I appreciate too that the rivalry wasn’t one-sided and Sadie wasn’t just a nutcase; both characters were equally obsessed with beating each other. I believed these characters were a good match, and I was rooting for them to confess/realize their feelings. Here’s a part I loved, just to prove I’m a good sport:

“If you knew the effect you had on me, how often I think about you, the things I would do for you… I wouldn’t stand a chance against you ever again. You would have taken everything from me. Not just a debate championship or some points for a test or a fancy award or a spot in a competition—but my whole heart. My pride. God, my sanity. It would be all over. You would annihilate me.”

Conclusion

My final gripe is that after Sadie and Julius got together, we didn’t get enough time to see what they’re like as a couple. I know, I know. After all my complaints, I’m saying I wish there was more? But I put myself through the slowest of slow burns and then we only got, like, ten pages of them together with all their true feelings laid bare. There’s just not enough evidence to convince me these two will actually stay together for any meaningful length of time.

Julius seems to solve this dilemma when he says, “It’s us, Sadie. When have we been bad at anything?” Cute, but not good enough for me. Love is very different from school, requiring a completely different skill set, a completely different type of dedication. These characters have very limited relationship experience, and I think they are unprepared for the challenges they’ll face as they get a new relationship off the ground in their senior year and, most likely, split off for different colleges. These characters have barely gotten used to not hating each other’s guts yet, and you’re telling me they’re ready for a long distance relationship? An endeavor that requires a breadth of trust, compassion, and patience?

Speaking from personal experience, a romantic relationship, especially a new one, is an intense emotional commitment that can easily detract from one’s studies. These characters are about to begin demanding degree programs at highly competitive, rigorous schools. Will they be willing to make even small sacrifices to their perfect record for the sake of their relationship? How will they find the time to see each other or even text in the midst of their doubtlessly grueling schedules? Sadie can’t stand not being perfect, and even if she’s learned that it’s okay to relax once in a while, that drive won’t go away so easily. Julius’s brother already warned him about getting distracted by a girl, so Julius would definitely face flak from his family for any relationship that interfered with his academics. I love ending with the emails. But the emails don’t erase the many obstacles these two are about to face, nor do they distract me from how unprepared Sadie and Julius are to face them.

Okay, wow. This was an incredibly self-indulgent hateful rant. I’m a little scared of myself. But I totally had fun writing it. And if you read this far, I hope you got some sort of sick enjoyment out of it too. 💋

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